Trump
This is how we
treat
Gold Star families
in Connecticut
Dr. Beth Dively,
left, widow of U.S. Air Force Maj. Duane Dively, is presented with a Gold Star
lapel pin from Captain Paul Whitescarver, right, commanding officer of the
Naval Submarine Base in Groton, at the Bells Across America for Fallen Service
Members: A Gold Star Family Remembrance event held on the Historic Ship
Nautilus (SSN 571) in Groton, Conn., Thursday, Sept. 22, 2016. (Tim Martin/The
Day)
For Gold Star
families, ceremony helps keep memories alive
By Julia Bergman Day
staff writer
j.bergman@theday.com
JuliaSBergman
Groton — None of
them wanted this distinction.
Those who've lost a
service member attended an inaugural event on Thursday recognizing their
sacrifice and the sacrifice of their loved ones. The Naval Submarine Base
hosted the event on the pier adjacent to the Historic Ship Nautilus, and
officials hope to make it an annual event.
The event coincided
with commemorations at Navy installations across the country in honor of Gold
Star Mother's and Family's Day, which is on the last Sunday of the month.
The Gold Star
mothers and families, as they are called, submitted the names of their loved
ones to be read aloud, followed by the tolling of a bell.
"Their actions
attest not only to the depth of their devotion, but also to a belief in their
country so profound that they were willing to give their very lives for
it," said Capt. Paul Whitescarver, commanding officer of the submarine
base, after reading the submitted names.
Some said afterward
that they felt the event helped to keep the memory of their loved one alive.
Kathryn Cross, whose
son Tyler Connely, a Navy seaman who died in January 2002, said it was the
first time in several years that she'd heard her son's name spoken aloud.
The symbolism of the
gold star dates back to World War I, when white service flags were displayed in
front of homes, businesses, schools and churches with a blue star to signify an
active service member. A gold star stitched over the blue star indicated that a
service member had died.
More than 10 years
after her husband's death, Beth Dively, the widow of Air Force Maj. Duane
Dively, on Thursday was presented with a Gold Star lapel pin given to families
of service members who died during action against an enemy, during conflict or
as the result of an international terrorist attack.
The Air Force
recently reviewed the circumstances of Dively's death, determining his family
should be recognized with the Gold Star pin, and requested that it be presented
to Beth Dively on Thursday.
On June 22, 2005,
Maj. Dively flew a nine-hour reconnaissance mission in his U-2 plane over
Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. On his way back to his
base, his aircraft crashed in Southwest Asia after suffering catastrophic
mechanical failure.
At the time of his
death, the Divelys had been married 20 years. When he died, a huge part of her
died with him, Beth Dively said. There was no one to come home to or go on a
bike ride with or say "hi" in the morning and "good night" at
the end of the day.
Dively, who lives in
Old Saybrook, described her husband as humble and always willing to lend a
hand. He was entrepreneurial; he built his own bike and guitar.
After his death,
Dively wanted support, but she didn't know how to ask for it.
Gold Star programs
are relatively new across all of the services, with the Navy's being just two
years old.
The idea is to offer
continued support to the families "after the business of death," as
Beth Hundley, the Navy Gold Star Coordinator at the base, calls it. That is,
after help is provided for funeral or memorial arrangements and obtaining benefits.
Hundley's area of
responsibility includes all of New England, and she keeps in touch with the
families she serves through email, phone and written letters.
Gold Star programs
also serve as a way to bring the families together and to recognize them.
"This right
here is fantastic. There wasn't enough of that," Debby Schurman said of
the event, comparing it to the support available in 2009 when her son, Petty
Officer 3rd Class Douglas Beichner, died.
"You hear about
other people who've lost children, but where do you meet them?" Schurman
said.
Monday will mark
seven years since her son's death. She did not want to discuss the details of
his death, saying only that he died shortly after returning home to Hamden from
a deployment.
Beichner was a gas
turbine systems technician and a search and rescue swimmer aboard the USS
Kauffman, an Oliver Hazard Perry-class guided missile frigate, where he served
four tours of duty, according to his obituary.
Schurman described
her son as somebody who could make anybody laugh. At his funeral, he was
described as being the guy who could walk into a room of 50 grumpy sailors and
have them laughing within 10 seconds, she said.
He left behind a
sister, Alison Beichner, and brother, Daniel Beichner, who served in the
Marines.
Daniel Beichner took
the loss particularly hard, Schurman said, because his brother was his first
best friend.
She is still in
contact with Beichner's shipmates, who, she said, were like brothers to him.
Two of Chief Petty
Officer Christopher Rice's daughters were in attendance Thursday. Rice died of
a heart attack in 2009 while stationed in Kings Bay, Ga.
MariAnne Rice, 22,
and Megan Howe, 26, both vividly remember service members showing up to their
houses to inform them of their father's death. The next couple of months were a
blur for each of them, they said.
Rice also left
behind another daughter, Christine, and a son, Christopher.
The two daughters
present Thursday described their dad as the glue of the family. He was goofy
and laid back but also did what he needed to do. He was a pushover when it came
to the kids, often responding to their requests for permission with "I suppose,"
they recalled.
Rice's family was
presented with Gold Star pins in a ceremony at the base in June.
Danielle Goodwin,
who lost her first husband 10 years ago, was there to honor him and to be there
on behalf of his parents, whom she planned to tell later about the event.
Petty Officer 3rd
Class Nathan Hafterson, who was stationed at Naval Air Station Jacksonville,
Fla., died in 2006 after suffering from a medical condition, according to
Goodwin. Goodwin, now 29, was 19 at the time and said the couple had been
married a little less than a year at the time of his death.
Goodwin has since
remarried, and her current husband is an instructor at the Naval Submarine
School. She said he's greatly helped her to cope with Hafterson's loss.
"I'm still
healing, even after 10 years," she said.
j.bergman@theday.com